Well, Girl ~ A Book Review

There are so many quotes I would love to share with you. But I think it would be way better if you just read the book and experienced it yourself. So I’ll hold back and only share a few!

jamiAmerine

“Guilt is being sorry for something you have done. Shame is being sorry for who you are.”

Shame keeps us wanting and the enemy uses it to keep us stuck. Oh the freedom you can have in Jesus! He chooses to dwell in you! Do not be ashamed of who you are. If you are always focused on what you should be, you’ll never look up at the One who died for you and made you who are.

One of the things Jami talks about in her book is how we’re always “starting over”. If we fudge on our diet we tell ourselves we’ll start over on Monday.  And then we throw caution to the wind and eat whatever we want the rest of the week because “we’ll start over on Monday”. We tend to do the same with God. If we mess up we distance ourselves from him with the “I’ll start over on Monday” mentality. But we don’t need to do that! We don’t need to stop and start with God. He is constant and His love is constant.

We’re never completely happy with our weight, with our appearance, or with our wellness. Whether we’re perfectly thin and “healthy” or overweight and unhealthy, He loves you just the same. No more, no less.

While this is not what I would call a step by step weight loss program, it does provide you with a new way of thinking and feeling. And that in turn can be what you need to get over the yo yo dieting and loathing cycle.

“But while we are never separated from the love of God, if you add even a touch of the law, you are no longer experiencing grace. Grace is everything.”

Jami has a way of helping you to visualize and deeply feel the love God has for you. I found tears streaming down my face as I realized how much I was missing this. We’re so hard on ourselves. Saying things we would never imagine uttering to someone else. Jesus doesn’t think these things about me or you. 

“If there were any scenario where He wasn’t utterly crazy about you, He would have spared His beloved Jesus the agony of death on a cross.”

Boom! What a realization. I felt it down to my toes!

I believe you’ll find joy, humor, and peace when you read Jami’s new book. As Jami always says- Jesus be all over you friend!!!

*You can order this book through amazon, kindle, barnes and Noble, and most other book retailers.

 

 

What Women Going Through Infertility Wish They Could Say

First, a little humor:

yourinfertiletoo

Then, a little encouragement:

blessedisshe

Now, onto my post 🙂

Going through infertility has changed me and my outlook in so many ways. It’s a grief process that just never ends. You go through it over and over until you think you can’t take it anymore. But it just keeps coming.

I’ve talked with several other ladies who are or have experienced infertility as well. We all agree that it’s truly shocking what people will say to you. Many times, they just aren’t thinking when they say it. They don’t understand what we go through mentally and emotionally every single day.

After talking to these other women, I’ve compiled a list of things we wish we could say to everyone. My hope is that it will prevent strained relationships and a lot of hurt feelings.

  1. Please understand that it’s a big deal and the worst feeling ever for us

You know how a lot of women have dreamed of being a mom since they were little? Well, women with infertility have too. And now we have an empty room waiting to be a nursery. We have a house waiting to hold our children’s laughter, tears, celebrations, and memories. We have an SUV waiting to hold a car seat.  We have a play room waiting to be played in. So here we are waiting and waiting to give our future children all those things we now have. And it’s not happening.

We feel sad, devastated, ashamed, out of control, helpless, angry, lost, left behind, and lots and lots of other things. We rejoice in our friends’ growing families, but that sad pit in our stomach never goes away.

  1. Don’t tell me what you think I should do or what you think God’s plan is for me

This is my story. Everyone’s stories and journeys are different. I know you’ve heard other infertility stories from your friend, your sister’s friend, your grandma’s friend’s granddaughter. But that’s theirs. This is mine. What happened or didn’t happen for some people is different from what will or won’t happen for me. Please don’t tell me what I should do to “fix” my problem. For example:

 

  • Just Relax
  • Don’t think about it or stress so much
  • Change your diet
  • God doesn’t want you to have kids
  • Adopt, and then you’ll get pregnant
  • Maybe God just wants you to adopt
  • Have you tried *insert baby making sex advice*?
    (Believe me we’ve tried millions of different “approaches”)
  • Everything happens for a reason, just wait and it’ll eventually happen
  • Etc Etc Etc

 

Instead, just tell me you’re thinking of me, praying for me, hurting for me. That’s all I need to hear right now. You have no idea what God has in store for my life. Just be there for me to confide my hurts, pray for me and my husband, and share in this unknown journey with me. You don’t need to have any answers or advice.

  1. Don’t buy or give me things for when I eventually have kids

It will just sit in my house and remind me I STILL haven’t been able to conceive a child. I would like to tell you I don’t want it, but then I might hurt your feelings. So instead I take it, say thank you, and die a little inside. I understand that you may have good intentions, but it’s a terrible idea. Just wait until we have a child on the way. Then it will be exciting instead of awkward and hurtful.

  1. Don’t tell me all the terrible infertility stories you’ve heard

I’ve been told about people who tried every fertility treatment possible including IVF and still failed to conceive, got divorced because it affected their marriage, never were able to have kids, had miscarriage after miscarriage. I already worry about these things people! You don’t have to tell me horror stories about it. Please Stop!

  1. Don’t tell me how my infertility affects YOU

I’m sorry that you feel awkward telling me you’re pregnant, being pregnant around me, or talking about baby stuff. But I would trade places with you in a second. So you feel awkward for a few minutes?  I feel heart sinking pain all the time. Pretty sure you’re on the better end of this.

  1. Don’t brag to me about how easy it is for you to conceive

“We weren’t even trying. Oops! Fertile Myrtle!”
“He just has to look at me and I’m pregnant!”

You know how annoying it is when people don’t even have to study? They just walk in and ace the test. You study for HOURS and still don’t get a great score. Take that X’s a million and that’s how frustrating it is for people to say these things to you. Make jokes about it with your other friends. I on the other hand am more likely to burst into tears than laugh with you.

  1. Don’t ask people why they don’t have kids yet

Their heart just sank into their stomach and they’re trying not to turn 10 shades of red and strangle you. Since there’s even less of a chance to conceive when you’re locked in a jail cell, they don’t. But believe me, they thought about it.

  1. Don’t ask for updates on their infertility

If they want you to know, they’ll tell you. But more than likely nothing significant has happened or they’re just not ready to share it with you/others yet. Asking them (especially frequently) only hurts.

  1. Don’t ask us to go maternity clothes/baby shopping with you

It’s a knife to the gut. We wish with all our hearts we could enjoy that kind of shopping. But we can’t. Ask another mommy friend to join you.

If you’re struggling with infertility, don’t hold it in. Talk to someone you trust. Let them pray for you. Get connected with someone else going through the same thing. Talking to someone who understands can be such an encouraging experience. It’s easy to feel like you’re alone when everyone around you is announcing their pregnancies and growing their families. But you’re not alone. 1 in 8 couples experiences infertility.