30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years

I turned 30 a couple months ago.

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Not quite as fun as turning 16, 18, or 21! You learn a lot in your first 30 years and I’m sure I’ll learn a lot more in the next 30. Anybody feel like they’ve learned TOO much and kinda wish you could go back to being naive and full of young hope? Haha! Yeah me too! I came up with a list of 30 things I’ve learned in 30 years. Some of these may resonate with you as well.

  1. Most things are out of our control (despite what we tell ourselves lol). Roll with it and make the best of the situation.
  2. Anger will pass. Be slow to react so you don’t regret what you did/said in the heat of the moment.
  3. It’s okay to be honest and stand up for yourself. As long as you’re calm, rationale, and polite, most people will receive it well.
  4. Give an animal a family and loving home. They will give you unconditional loyalty, love, and comfort in return. They are part of your life for a short time, but you are all they will know for their entire life. Give them a good one. Take them places, play, give them treats, and cuddle.

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    My sweet boy Gunner ♥

  5. Plan fun things to look forward to. They don’t need to be big week long vacations. They can be small weekend getaways, a girls’ day/night, a movie, a play, a nice dinner out, etc.

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    Our weekend in Winter Park

  6. Give compliments often, especially to your spouse and the people you love.
  7. Make fun memories with your kids or the special kids in your life. They will remember spending a fun day with you (like baking cookies) and look back on it fondly.
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  8. Be supportive and encouraging. You may be the only person they will get it from.
  9. Smile at people. You never know what they’re dealing with.
  10. Get involved in groups, bible studies, or clubs. It will help you meet people that could become very good friends.
  11. Find something that you enjoy doing.
  12. Don’t be afraid to try something new. If it interests you, give it a go and if it doesn’t work out or isn’t as enjoyable as you thought, oh well! Onto something else.

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    I tried cookie flooding and ended up loving it!

  13. Be a good listener. Make eye contact, nod, and ask questions. Being heard always feels good.
  14. When things in life get hard, talk to a trustworthy friend or family member. When you isolate yourself and become distant, the problem and feelings can get too overwhelming.
  15. You’re never the only one going through something. There will always be other people struggling with the same thing.
  16. Treat yourself! It’s okay to get that special Starbucks drink sometimes or take a hot bubble bath for some relaxing alone time.
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  17. Spend time with people that build you up and want what’s best for you. If you’re around people that do the opposite, you’ll start believing things about yourself that aren’t true.
    If you have a spouse, you also need to be around people that want your marriage to succeed. Hearing negative remarks about your spouse will create problems and make you view your spouse negatively too.
  18. Don’t put God in a box or into a formula. It will shake your world up when He breaks it. We will never figure God out. His thoughts are higher (and much different) than our own.
  19. Don’t console people with clichés or advice. When someone has experienced loss or pain they just need to know you care and are there for them. You don’t need to say much more than “I’m sorry” or “I’m here for you”.
  20. Be silly and laugh at yourself. One of the greatest pleasures in life is laughing until your sides hurt.
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  21. Send sweet texts. It will make the receiver’s day.
  22. Do small acts of kindness for people you love. Bring your mom flowers, drop off coffee or lunch to your spouse at work, make your sibling their favorite cookies, or bring dinner to a friend having a bad week/day. You’ll feel good and they’ll feel very loved.
  23. Call your grandparents and send them cards. Everyone likes to get a special card in the mail for birthdays, Valentine’s, Christmas, etc. This is especially true for grandparents and they’ll love knowing you thought about them.

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    You can make your own cards at low cost with some pretty paper and stickers

  24. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Ask questions at the doctor’s office, when you’re learning something new, at a job, anywhere! It’s better to ask and know for sure, than to guess and make mistakes that affect people.
  25. Follow through with your commitments. If you commit to doing something and then later change your mind, you still need to do it. Otherwise people will see you as unreliable.
  26. Say no to commitments if you know you can’t follow through with them. It’s better to say no upfront than to put someone in a bad position at the last minute.
  27. Make yourself reminders. I used to always feel like I was forgetting something. And I usually was! Now we have phones with calendars and reminders. Use them and give yourself peace of mind.
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  28. Health is important. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally.
  29. It’s all about balance. Too much of anything isn’t good.
  30. Money isn’t everything, but be wise with it. Financial problems cause depression, relationship issues, stress, anger, and anxiety.
    Thinking about a budgets can seem difficult, but they’re really not. And when you realize you have enough money in the bank at the end of the month, you’ll feel so good! I’ve fallen off the budget wagon many times. It’s never too late to get back on it.

These are things I’ve learned from making mistakes, going through hard struggles, and seeing other people do it right. My favorite things on this list are the ones that love on other people. I’ve been on the receiving end of some incredible people who showed me great kindness and unconditional love ❤️ It really is a key thing to remember in life.
One of my favorite versus in the Bible is 1 Corinthians 13:1-3
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”

 

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What Women Going Through Infertility Wish They Could Say

First, a little humor:

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Then, a little encouragement:

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Now, onto my post 🙂

Going through infertility has changed me and my outlook in so many ways. It’s a grief process that just never ends. You go through it over and over until you think you can’t take it anymore. But it just keeps coming.

I’ve talked with several other ladies who are or have experienced infertility as well. We all agree that it’s truly shocking what people will say to you. Many times, they just aren’t thinking when they say it. They don’t understand what we go through mentally and emotionally every single day.

After talking to these other women, I’ve compiled a list of things we wish we could say to everyone. My hope is that it will prevent strained relationships and a lot of hurt feelings.

  1. Please understand that it’s a big deal and the worst feeling ever for us

You know how a lot of women have dreamed of being a mom since they were little? Well, women with infertility have too. And now we have an empty room waiting to be a nursery. We have a house waiting to hold our children’s laughter, tears, celebrations, and memories. We have an SUV waiting to hold a car seat.  We have a play room waiting to be played in. So here we are waiting and waiting to give our future children all those things we now have. And it’s not happening.

We feel sad, devastated, ashamed, out of control, helpless, angry, lost, left behind, and lots and lots of other things. We rejoice in our friends’ growing families, but that sad pit in our stomach never goes away.

  1. Don’t tell me what you think I should do or what you think God’s plan is for me

This is my story. Everyone’s stories and journeys are different. I know you’ve heard other infertility stories from your friend, your sister’s friend, your grandma’s friend’s granddaughter. But that’s theirs. This is mine. What happened or didn’t happen for some people is different from what will or won’t happen for me. Please don’t tell me what I should do to “fix” my problem. For example:

 

  • Just Relax
  • Don’t think about it or stress so much
  • Change your diet
  • God doesn’t want you to have kids
  • Adopt, and then you’ll get pregnant
  • Maybe God just wants you to adopt
  • Have you tried *insert baby making sex advice*?
    (Believe me we’ve tried millions of different “approaches”)
  • Everything happens for a reason, just wait and it’ll eventually happen
  • Etc Etc Etc

 

Instead, just tell me you’re thinking of me, praying for me, hurting for me. That’s all I need to hear right now. You have no idea what God has in store for my life. Just be there for me to confide my hurts, pray for me and my husband, and share in this unknown journey with me. You don’t need to have any answers or advice.

  1. Don’t buy or give me things for when I eventually have kids

It will just sit in my house and remind me I STILL haven’t been able to conceive a child. I would like to tell you I don’t want it, but then I might hurt your feelings. So instead I take it, say thank you, and die a little inside. I understand that you may have good intentions, but it’s a terrible idea. Just wait until we have a child on the way. Then it will be exciting instead of awkward and hurtful.

  1. Don’t tell me all the terrible infertility stories you’ve heard

I’ve been told about people who tried every fertility treatment possible including IVF and still failed to conceive, got divorced because it affected their marriage, never were able to have kids, had miscarriage after miscarriage. I already worry about these things people! You don’t have to tell me horror stories about it. Please Stop!

  1. Don’t tell me how my infertility affects YOU

I’m sorry that you feel awkward telling me you’re pregnant, being pregnant around me, or talking about baby stuff. But I would trade places with you in a second. So you feel awkward for a few minutes?  I feel heart sinking pain all the time. Pretty sure you’re on the better end of this.

  1. Don’t brag to me about how easy it is for you to conceive

“We weren’t even trying. Oops! Fertile Myrtle!”
“He just has to look at me and I’m pregnant!”

You know how annoying it is when people don’t even have to study? They just walk in and ace the test. You study for HOURS and still don’t get a great score. Take that X’s a million and that’s how frustrating it is for people to say these things to you. Make jokes about it with your other friends. I on the other hand am more likely to burst into tears than laugh with you.

  1. Don’t ask people why they don’t have kids yet

Their heart just sank into their stomach and they’re trying not to turn 10 shades of red and strangle you. Since there’s even less of a chance to conceive when you’re locked in a jail cell, they don’t. But believe me, they thought about it.

  1. Don’t ask for updates on their infertility

If they want you to know, they’ll tell you. But more than likely nothing significant has happened or they’re just not ready to share it with you/others yet. Asking them (especially frequently) only hurts.

  1. Don’t ask us to go maternity clothes/baby shopping with you

It’s a knife to the gut. We wish with all our hearts we could enjoy that kind of shopping. But we can’t. Ask another mommy friend to join you.

If you’re struggling with infertility, don’t hold it in. Talk to someone you trust. Let them pray for you. Get connected with someone else going through the same thing. Talking to someone who understands can be such an encouraging experience. It’s easy to feel like you’re alone when everyone around you is announcing their pregnancies and growing their families. But you’re not alone. 1 in 8 couples experiences infertility.